Title: Relena's Position
Author: babygray
Pairing: 1+2, implied R+H
Warning: Typos
Notes: This is a bit of a character blabbering inspired by Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind, a marketing book that is both short and entertaining, imho.
Summary: Relena talks about Heero and her feelings for him.



Sometimes, people do not understand. They always see things and take it at face value, and I believe the world is better and worse for it. Everything that has ever happen is due to perception, how the human mind takes an object, perceives it, categorizes it, marks it, labels it, and so forth.

The first to find a position in the human mind (the first to present itself as a computer maker or programmer, as a president or queen, as a bottler of soft drinks) will always be first, as it is nearly impossible for the first to be overthrown in the human mind.

Perhaps that's why he made such an impact on me when he fell out of the sky in that giant weapon of war.

I admit it, I was surprised. This dangerous young man from space was no older than myself. We were mere children, thrown into that war and fated to cross each other's paths.

He -was- dangerous. He was exciting. He was the first person in a long time that did not, would not humble himself before me, little Miss Dorlain, the princess of St. Gabriel's. To him, I was just another girl.

No. A threat. Someone that must be eliminated.

It was so exhilarating. Breathtaking. Freeing.

Some have confused this for love. For a time, I thought it was love as well. He was the first person to make me feel human, if by being human means that you are mortal, that you came alive if you survived.

I called out to him to return so that I could continue feeling this way. It was brief, but his threat rattled me deeply, deepened my thirst for more. I needed to feel the rush of life flow through me whenever he looked at me that way.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, I did not need him to make my survival instincts purr. Soon the war sucked me in as well and, like him, I had my own battles to fight.

Yes, you could say I was drawn to danger and to Heero Yuy, the bringer of danger (yet, aren't all girls attracted to the bad boys?). I was addicted to how he made me feel. Thinking back, I really am not surprised that I thought it was love. He always was irresistible.

There were others after him, of course. Some had become my enemies. Others, many of whom were those that he and I befriended throughout the war, became my dearest friends.

Dorothy, who many people say I had fallen in love with as well, came after Heero. Some claim she's like Heero, but she's not the blue-eyed embodiment of danger.

Against Heero head-on, she would have always been in second place in my mind, and second place is no place.

Who is pilot 01? Heero, of course.

Who is pilot 02? Alright, that was a bad example.

Who was the first man on the moon? Armstrong.

Now, tell me, who was the second?

Although she was not as dangerous as Heero was, she was so similar in her need to show me that I was just another girl. She held second place in my mind.

She was no Heero Yuy.

I doubt that anyone could be, and I can live with that fact. He was the not most dangerous person I had met, but he was the first to disrupt my world so completely.

No one could shatter me as readily, except for Une, who took my father away. Because of Heero, however, I was able to come after her, gun in hand, instead of cowering away like a scared little girl, waiting for her, the inevitable boogie (wo)man.

I drew my strength from him. Yes, I wanted to be as strong as he is. Yet, there was something else.

I wanted some of that danger for myself. Being weak was boring, and though power is very nice, strength, the ability to take anything that life, that war could offer, was much more appealing. I was the fiend desiring to be the drug. I was the addict trying to be strong enough to be her own addiction.

Strange, isn't it?

Perceptions are so easy to make. It did take a while before I realized that I did not love him. It just wasn't part of some cosmic plan, which suited us fine. I'm not bitter. There is nothing to be bitter about. I had found happiness and so had he.

Oh no, I'm not telling. Why ruin the beautiful by profaning it with mere words?

Let's just say his love holds the first place in his heart.

Let's say that my love doesn't have to compete with him in any way, shape, or form, for she fits perfectly into her own category.

The first person to love me with all her heart.